Let me be honest: usually I don’t give a crap about sports. Sure, I will cheer for the dutch footbal team when they are kicking other peoples’ buts (quite literally sometimes), I’ll even wear a orange hat, but other than that I just don’t care. If you make me watch the Tour de France for 10 hours, I WILL be miserable. And no, I really don’t care who wins Wimbledon, up until this year I never even heard of the names Federer and Nadal. It all changed when I started watching the Olympic Games though. The Games melted my cold cold ‘I don’t give a crap about sports’-heart. THOSE ATHLETES.

But, I do have a few suggestions for the next organizer of the olympics. Or, let’s just say I would do some things differently if I could organize the olympics (hypothetically of course).

1. I would introduce a new olympic sport: Scrabble, because although I have two left feet, I want a golden medal too (I happen to be very good at it, ask my competitors who are still crying themselves to sleep every night).

2. In old times, ancient Greece to be precise, all the athletes were naked. Now, I know there is a lot going on about the economic crisis and stuff in modern day Greece, but I think those Ancient Greek were on to something. We should honor their tradition! Let’s not honor that tradition too much though. Back then there were only male athletes, so for modern times sake, I’ll be kind and let all the women wear clothes. The men on the other hand, namely the swimmers, hockey-men and rowers: me no gusta muchos clothing, capish?! Only cute Calvin Klein boxers are allowed. All those dwindeling genitals are a bit too much for my taste anyway.

3. The Spice Girls would be a part of my opening AND closing ceremony. In my opinion this asks for no explanation, but alas, for the unfortunate few who are not acquinted with the worlds most awesome girl group: reason number one, number two and number three (‘be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on’ – are they seriously singing about condoms?! YES THEY ARE). Only a small selection of their finest work. You’re welcome.

4. I’m sorry, but can we please talk about these lame flowers?! I would not even give them to my grandma, that’s how boring and old-fashioned they are. Were the Brits worried the girls would otherwise break down under the weight of an enormous bouquet? They are athletes for heaven’s sake, they can easily carry 5 kg flowers (beautiful Dutch tulips of example)!

5. You can call me crazy, but I would totally offer the “losers” some perspective after their loss. You didn’t win? You worked your butt off for the last four years and it turned out to be all for nothing? You can get fat now! Let’s eat some cake! Let’s watch some Bridget Jones! Doesn’t matter anymore anyway.